Outfield Athletics

"The ball's following me!". All cricketers know this lament.

The phrase is used when the ball keeps getting hit towards the same fielder. Sometimes this fielder will change position but spookily the ball starts then getting hit to the area he moves to. This week, I was the victim, but my discomfort ended in glory.

Incident One: The batsmen launches a rocket towards me at mid-on. I leap like a salmon and reach for the ball. Alas, it just skims the top of my left hand middle finger.

Incident Two: Almost a carbon copy of the first. This time my right hand clutches at the air and descends with grazed little finger for its trouble. Almost!

Incident Three: The Skip is getting a bit cheesed off with me as for some odd reason my team mates think I've dropped two catches. He moves me to wide-ish deep mid-wicket, affectionately known as cow corner. It turns out to be an inspired move. This is what happened next and I swear every word of it is true.

Just on the other side of the boundary I can see three athletes eyeing up a 100 metres track. I overhear their conversation and it turns out they are actually Linford Christie, Carl Lewis and Michael Johnson all meeting up for a reunion. They decided to have a flat out sprint on the 100m track for old times sake.

Back to the cricket and the batsmen whacks another ball skyward and it's heading 40 metres to my right. I begin to sprint like a gazelle. At the exact same moment, Christie, Lewis and Johnson begin their race. Amazingly, I overtake all three of them.

The ball is now heading downwards. I'm still 10 metres short. I leap to my right and such is the power that I travel parallel to the floor for 10 whole metres. Ever seen the film 'The Matrix'? It was just like that.

I'm now very close and my arm shoots out like a frog's tongue at an unsuspecting mayfly. It's a catch! Whoops of delight ring out amongst my team mates. I get up and sprint around the boundary overtaking Christie et al again on the way. I'm screaming with elation as I drop to my knees, slide forwards, arch backwards, face upwards, open my arms and offer my genius to the skies.