Shouty

Part of the beauty of playing cricket is not only meeting the characters you get to play alongside, but encountering characters from other teams.

We played a team a few weeks ago that contained such a character. His most salient characteristic was an unparalleled ability to shout. He shouted at us, he shouted at his team mates and he shouted at himself. For this reason, using our unrivalled talent for assigning obvious nicknames, we christened him 'Shouty'.

Now not all Shouty's shouting was angry shouting. Shouting was just his default mode of communication. Whether it was hailing his mate on the other side of the cricket ground, or a one-to-one conversation, he shouted. He simply had a naturally loud voice. This was unusual but tolerable. Just.

The problems really arose when he started to get angry with his batting partner. Shouty was getting increasingly perplexed at his team mate's sluggish attempts to back him up when he wanted a quick single.

WYWOHYERBUDDYRUN!!?? was Shouty's pleading yell. We later worked out that he was questioning his hapless batting partner as to why he would not run when asked. THAWOZANEEZEEUNTHEEYER!! turned out to mean he thought the run was a comfortable one.

As the overs went by, Shouty got increasingly cross and increasingly purple. In direct opposite, his poor partner started to shrink and became increasingly nervous (We christened him Nervy). He was visibly twitching.

At one point, he could not bring himself to lift his gaze towards the glowering Shouty who by now had steam coming out of his ears and whose head looked on the verge of exploding. YOEAYEVENLUKKINYERPRAT!! rang out across the ground. WOTSSUPWIYA!!?? AMYA LAME??!! each time a shot was played.

Poor old Nervy. He looked like he wanted to die. His legs wobbled like jelly. He started to run even before the bowler began his run up. He genuinely did not know if he was coming or going.

CUMMMMON!! came the cry as Shouty flicked the ball to midwicket where one of our grateful fielders was waiting. He swooped at the ball, whipped it in to our wicket keeper who quickly broke the stumps. Nervy had been run out, but this did little to ease Shouty's mood. His voice rose to a frighteningly high pitch as he lambasted Nervy all the way back to the changing room. YAMTOOOSLOW!! WHYDAYYERSPEEDUPABIT??!!

Nervy looked very relieved to be off the field. The same could not be said of the incoming batsman who bore a visible air of apprehension.

Eventually, with bulging eyes and gritted teeth, Shouty smashed at the ball and holed out to a catch on the boundary. Needless to say, he did not go quietly. SHUDDABINNAFOUR!! was the strangled cry on the breeze as he trudged back towards the changing room where the trembling face of Nervy stared out in terror.