Absence makes the teams play better

The thirds and fourths were victorious on the weekend of my Post Office-induced injury so they clearly missed me.

Not selected for last weekend's fixtures.

What is the bribe most likely to succeed with this week's Selection Committee? Money is too obvious. Beer too expensive.

Instead, I've written a song called "The Deselection Blues" and will sing it live with my acoustic outside the Selection Meeting on Tuesday. Here are the lyrics:

"Got no game again this week,
Is it 'cos I'm past my peak?
Without me you won't lose,
I got the Deselection Blues

The post girl left me incapacitated,
To the sidelines I was relegated,
My ego got all bruised,
I got the Deselection Blues

The skipper says I'm dropped,
My parcel left me crocked,
Sat'days shopping I must now choose,
I got the Deselection Blues."