Start of (yet another) new season

This ridiculous pantomime of a retirement continues.

Last week, I started the first match of the season by opening the bowling and getting roundly hammered around the ground after having yet again failed to attend a single close season net. Owing to my attending a 40th birthday party the same evening, the skipper asked me to open the batting too. All of which meant it was Thursday this week before I could again walk upright.

This week saw me standing in as skipper which is not something I usually enjoy, but the team played really well and we won reasonably comfortably. Whilst the victory may have been comfortable, I certainly am not. Once again I'm hobbling around and wincing everytime I sit down/stand up.

A friend of mine suggested a proper massage would ease some of the multiple muscular knots and recommended a parlour in town. I've never been very sure about the reputation of these establishments but I hurt so much, I'm willing to give anything a try. My mate said the place is totally fine. So, it's Saffy's Sensual Body Relief Parlour for me next week. What could go wrong?