The heroism of Brian Lester

I will always maintain that cricket is a team game, but also concede that it offers the chance for individuals to shine like few other sports. But would it be claiming too much that cricket offers opportunities for heroism? I ask you patient reader, to consider the following tale from yesterday's match and the deeds of our skipper, a certain Mr. Brian Lester.

It is important to set this all in context. We are the Fifth XI at Penn CC, which means in theory that we are fifth best at the club in terms of ability and performance. However, we obviously do not play the other teams in our own club. Instead we compete in a league where we are (again in theory) matched against teams from other clubs at a similar level of ability. The best sporting contests at any level in any sport are always against closely matched opponents.

This week, we encountered a Third XI from a big club, who, for reasons best known to league administrators, have been placed in our division. The contest began as a hopelessly one sided affair as our unfortunate bowlers (your humble correspondent included) got pasted around the ground by batsmen far too good for us. After 35 overs they had reached 320 for not a single wicket. It was at this point their declaration came, they began to walk off the pitch, and my tale really begins.

After tucking bats under arms, unstrapping gloves and starting to walk off, the batsmen were ordered back on by the skipper who had been informed by the scorers that one of them was on 199. For non-cricketing folk, this is just one run short of a double century. So, having duly returned to the crease, our skipper, the aforementioned Brian Lester decided to bring himself on to bowl his first over of the day.

I'm sure Brian won't be too offended if I describe his bowling style as unique. His first ball started off as a frisky little two footed shuffle to the popping crease where a languid arm action completed his delivery phase. It's worth pausing at this point to describe the typical trajectory of a Brian Lester ball. The flight is very similar to what must have been experienced by those involved in the early days of space rocket design. The ball goes near vertically upwards quite quickly before arcing slowly at its peak, then dropping menacingly towards the batsman. This first ball took the batsman by surprise and he dabbed a single to bring the '199 not out' batsman on strike.

Picture it. The batsman has not been in trouble all day. He's 199 not out. He just needs a single for an incredibly rare double century. He's puffed up. He's confident. He's smiling. But he's facing Brian Lester.

Brian shuffles into launch phase. The ball goes up. Mr '199 not out' widens his eyes and quickly dances down the wicket towards where he thinks the ball will pitch. Everyone is watching and anticipating. He swings the bat into a shot that would in truth have shamed a tail-ender and our wicket keeper gathers the rolling ball to whip off his bails. Brian got him!

Now, why do you think I believe our Brian's part in this to be heroic? Well, it's fairly simple. This was David and Goliath stuff. We were never in the game until this point and Brian's little spell gave us a tiny victory. It showed that despite any opponent's great strength and dominance, there can always be a chink in the armour, a miniscule weakness upon which you can build. This is exactly what Brian did for us. I believe that the dismissal of Mr 199 (we can now dispense with the 'not out') contributed greatly to our team spirit, lifted our heads a little and gave us heart going into our own innings. We were subsequently able to bat out for a draw which had previously looked impossible.

So, as far as I'm concerned, if Penn CC had its own knighthood, Mr. Brian Lester would today be on bended knee. Arise Sir Brian!

Start of (yet another) new season

This ridiculous pantomime of a retirement continues.

Last week, I started the first match of the season by opening the bowling and getting roundly hammered around the ground after having yet again failed to attend a single close season net. Owing to my attending a 40th birthday party the same evening, the skipper asked me to open the batting too. All of which meant it was Thursday this week before I could again walk upright.

This week saw me standing in as skipper which is not something I usually enjoy, but the team played really well and we won reasonably comfortably. Whilst the victory may have been comfortable, I certainly am not. Once again I'm hobbling around and wincing everytime I sit down/stand up.

A friend of mine suggested a proper massage would ease some of the multiple muscular knots and recommended a parlour in town. I've never been very sure about the reputation of these establishments but I hurt so much, I'm willing to give anything a try. My mate said the place is totally fine. So, it's Saffy's Sensual Body Relief Parlour for me next week. What could go wrong?